Translated from Sothach! 74, October 1995
Something is happening in the North! there’s talk that an elephant called Jones has had a vision – a ‘well peculiar’ vision to be honest!
A vision that includes a gang of incredibly talented young men, with a tendency to stand on stages for around half an hour and make people feel elephantly good. But this is not literally true. Sometimes one of these popular and attractive (according to them) young men jumps off the stage, playing the guitar while running around as if being chased by something grey and large with a trunk and an attitude.
Anyway, in Eliffant Jones’ vision, one of these lads has something in his hands – something big and red. When the boy touches it with his fingers, the effects are magical. To echo the creature’s own words I feel ffynctastic mate.
Yes indeed, when Mr. Sos G Ffyncpants Esq. aka David Gwyn plays the bass guitar, everything in the world turns funkier than Auntie Beryl’s pants – and that’s a fact!
Of course, someone sensible and mature is needed to keep an eye on things. Unfortunately, no-one of this description exists in Eliffant Jones’ vision, only a young lad from Caernarfon with more attitude than Noel Gallagher, the rest of Oasis and Auntie Beryl’s pants on a club night, all put together! And he can sing as well…
According to Jones the Elephant, a nice young lad from Llanberis plays the drums in this vision. He never misses a beat, and is never late for band practices in this vision. But in reality…
Last but not least, as they say (well one out of two’s not bad), is Rhych Popsta, Thecwyn Popsta’s brother. Rhych is a bit of a f*nny magnet, so he says.
Eliffant asked this band in his vision what made them so good that REM’s tour manager told them after The Gorky’s gig at the 1995 Eisteddfod, that they were the best band to play that night by a long shot (and that is a fact).
Rhych and Thecwyn: ‘Coz we’re the best guitarists in North Wales…
David Gwyn aka Sos: ‘Coz we’re funkier than pants with pictures of doughnuts on them…
Sion Drums: (not arrived yet)
So who are they? Well according to Eliffant Jones:
VULPECULA, VULPECULA, VULPECULA…